New ways of learning...

For a little while now Dylan has been really hard on himself, he tends to always think the worst or think that someone is thinking poorly of him. I honestly don't know where it comes from and it really makes my heart sad.

Last week things came to a head one evening and this is how the scenerio played out. We were in the kitchen and Dylan just got done using "big" scissors to cut a package open. He was walking around holding one side of the handle in his hand and flicking the scissor blades open and shut. I say to him, "hey, don't do that you can hurt yourself or someone else". He responds with a strong, "fine, I'll just kill myself". I know that he said it just to get a reaction out of me and that he didn't even really understand what he was saying, but I obviously had a strong reaction to it. I didn't say a word but took him by his arm, lead him to the bathroom and said I will come back and talk to you when I have calmed down, don't move. I processed for awhile and was trying to think of a punishment or something fitting for the situation. All of a sudden I realized what I was going to try...what would cost him something. Dylan has very much been really excited about earning his own money and having his own money to buy things with. I knew that he would be very sad to have to use that on something that he didn't want to...so that was the consequence.

He has to pay a quarter (specifically a quarter, not dimes or nickels) every time he is not speaking kindly or not speaking truth (not really lying, he doesn't really do that but when he is in trouble he says, "I know you don't like me anymore" or something of that sort. So saying things that myself or Mark aren't saying about him). He can also earn quarters for communicating in a correct way and expressing his anger/frustration with words in kindness or just saying something kind.

I told him the plan and he was excited about it, he right away made the little signs for the jars where we would keep track of the money. I was excited that he saw it as something good as well. The second day of doing this he had to pay 75 cents (all within a matter of 2 minutes) and had to break a dollar bill to be able to have enough quarters...you would have thought it was the end of the world! I explained that his actions have consequence and that was part of making poor choices. As our conversation went on he said, "mom, when I have a bad thought I just can't stop my brain from thinking more bad things". I told him that I knew it was really hard but that is why we are having consequence for not speaking kindly, "so you can teach your brain to stop the bad thoughts when they start and believe what the truth is".

He has done really great with it so far. He catches himself and is trying to communicate in a healthy way and most importantly I already see him not being so hard on himself.

I feel such a burden as a parent to raise my kids the best I can to be mentally healthy, secure in who God has made them & know they are loved (I often tell them that the only one who loves them more than I do is God :)). I hope this is one of the first steps for Dylan to learn to take his thoughts captive and believe Truth.