Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Day filled with sorrow...

Today is the day that Lincoln passed away, actually about a hour ago from when I am writing this 3 years ago. Thinking back on the day feels like yesterday. The feelings are vivid, real, unmoving.

The moments of the day are distinct to me but one that will always stand out is the wonderful man who came to pick up Lincoln's body. A complete stranger to us. As he took him away he hugged Mark and said "don't worry, I will care for him like he is my son", and with that it was the last time we saw his body. I really can't express or write the emotions and convey the emptiness that was and is still felt.

On Lincoln's 1 year birthday we gave out a gift of a ficus tree to friends and family as a memorial. This picture is Errol's tree, it sits near his kitchen sink. Every time I see it, it brings pleasure to my heart. Seeing how much it has grown, knowing what it represents. Thankful for the small memories.

Lamentations 3:22-24, 32-33 says:
Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."

Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love.
For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men.

Thankful there is hope, restoration, healing and also the pain: these things have made me into the person I am today.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Isabelle Eileen

I week ago today Isabelle was born! She weighs 8 lbs 15 oz and is 21 inches long.

I had been having contractions for about 2 weeks off and on and was dialated to 6 for over a week. I was ready emotionally to have Isabelle and know that she was ok. So we decided to go to the hospital Saturday and have my water broken, my midwife Connie was on call and I really wanted her for my delivery. At 12:45 my water was broken and I started to have contractions right away. Mark and I walked the halls of the hospital to help my labor progress. After a couple hours of walking I transitioned into the "hard" contractions and had those for about 30-40 minutes. We kept walking the whole time, just stayed closer to my room. Finally I looked at Mark and said "ok, I am ready". He went to get Connie and I started pushing. I pushed through 3 contractions which felt like they lasted forever over the span of about 20 minutes. I used a birthing bar that went at the end of my bed (first time using and I really liked it). She was born at 4:32. Her cord was wrapped around her neck one time and she also had her right hand across her chest with her hand by her neck as she came out. She didn't take a breath right away, she stayed the blue/purple color it felt like forever. She was moving...just not breathing yet. Finally the cry came, it was like music. What a relief!

I really couldn't have asked for a better birth experience (other than going into labor on my own without getting water broken). It was quick and the hospital staff were wonderful. We were home by the next afternoon.

Dylan and Cadence are adjusting well. Dylan loves to help out and hold her and Cadence loves to give hugs...she just doesn't know her limitations yet. :)

Isabelle means my God is my vow and Eileen is the middle name we are passing down from my mom and myself.