Sunday, May 18, 2008

prayer struggle

since lincoln's sickness and passing away i have struggled a lot with prayer. to be honest i really haven't prayed since then. i didn't feel as though it would make a difference for a different outcome of a situation. i still struggle a lot with prayer but at least now i am at a point where i want to figure things out. i am reading a book called god on mute. it has been really fantastic for me.

was reading earlier and wanted to write things down hoping that it will help it stick with me.
god doesn't answer prayer because we live in a fallen world and life happens. why blame god for stuff that's just the reality of life on a messed up planet. I should maybe adjust my expectations, that way i can reduce my disappointment, isolation and unfairness that comes along with unanswered prayers. as long as i rage against the heavens i live impoverished in my pain. but when i allow my eyes to fall to the mire, i then discover a wealth of little epiphanies glimmering in puddles at my feet.

i believe that god is capable of doing miracles and most of the time chooses not to.
the christian witness and out ultimate hope is not merely a miraculous succession of miraculous escapes from all human affliction. rather it is the joy of a deepening relationship with the man of sorrows familiar with suffering who loves me and lives in me.

i am ready to start the deepening.